Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
