drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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