My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
