Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
