I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
