Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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