She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
