There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
