Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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