One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
