Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
