this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
