Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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