well I can't set my house on fire every night
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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