Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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