I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
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