My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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