I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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