k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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