will power is for people who don't want to get laid
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
