...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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