you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Vodka?
Forever.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
