Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
