god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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