We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
