eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
