Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
