Kiss
Puke
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
