WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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