i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
