just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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