Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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