What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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