I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
