I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
