he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
