I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
