me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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