just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
