You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
