Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
