If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We just shotgunned beers for America
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Randomize
