Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
this hospital has no fireball
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
