it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
