it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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