im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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