big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
