we're blogging at a bar
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
