also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
