Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
