Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
