she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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