I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
