How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I came so hard my ears popped.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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