Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
