fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
