He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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