Where is the hickey?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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