While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
