Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
