how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
