sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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