Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
