This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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