I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
