I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
don't judge my taste in strippers
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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