OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
