he thought i was a dude.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
