i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
