don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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