dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My vagina is officially offended.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
