You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
