I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
from now on my penis is your penis
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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