There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
