Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
