we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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