dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
