I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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