Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Hello my rib-scented angel!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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