Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize