you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
