I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
