like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I stole a fireplace last night.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
