so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
