new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
