wat bout pragnant strippers??
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
